Relationships Aren't Dead
Today’s twenty-somethings want to convince
themselves and everyone around them that commitment is for suckers. The belief
that relationships and marriage are an antiquated, failed proposition, or a
lifelong prison sentence, is not just the butt end of many jokes - but becoming
a reality. Marriage may not be for everyone, but solitude is not normal
behaviour for the human species.
People will often say that women’s new
positions in the workforce and their independence have destroyed relationships.
Due to women’s status in the workforce they choose to settle down at a later
age and undoubtedly the dynamic between man and woman has changed. Unfortunately, from my perspective careers are
not the true deterrents or killers of relationships. We live in a world where
we have Tinder, Badoo, OKcupid, etc. Where people are foregoing social efforts
to meet and develop relationships for fast-food type experiences with the
opposite sex. The concept of dating in a traditional sense is quickly becoming
prehistoric and having a tremendous affect on self worth which is collectively
circling the drain.
There are a growing number of people, particularly
those in urban centres who subscribe to today’s hook-up culture and allow their
nether regions to be a revolving door. Unfortunately for many of these
promiscuous adventurers, there is a huge psychological toll that is being
written after each and every encounter. Contrary to their initial goals their
actions are bringing them further away from happiness on each and every single
collision with the opposite sex. They will claim that this is the lifestyle
they prefer, but they will be the same person who cries themselves to sleep
listening to Adele, Taylor Swift (insert your artist with far too many break up
songs here). They fail to admit that their everlasting quest for sex is indeed
driven by their search for a suitable mate. They become torn between what they
are physiologically wired for and what they are socially programmed to do.
If relationships die, our culture and society
dies with it. We are indeed evolving as culture and as a species, but the need
to reproduce will always be there. The unfortunate part about my generation and
those thereafter is that we are socially engineered to be near sighted. We
cannot see past our wants for success and materialism. We believe we have all
the time in the world to procreate and settle down. By the time we change focus
and discover a suitable mate, there are years of baggage carried with them (not
to mention our own). This drawn out
phase distracts us from our baser instincts and by the time we reach thirty we
are looking at our lives and trying to piece together all the lost time.
So what’s the deal with all these adults
frowning upon relationships? There is this widespread consensus that
relationships hold people back. That man or woman is out to control the other.
That careers will be inhibited. Here’s a news flash – There is a certain level
of compromise in every situation and individuals need to make choices on what
they want more. To assume that once a you are “ready” to settle down, that the
first attempt at a relationship will be successful is unrealistic. For most of
us the first relationship never works out, maybe two, three or four relationships
afterward. Preliminary relationships are a very big part of maturing and
developing to become responsible adults. Through these trials and errors, we
develop skills that help create what is required to eventually create lifelong
bonds. If we forgo these preliminary relationships, the maturing process takes
longer and ultimately this will contribute to the breakdown of social structure
in the twenty to thirty year old demographic.
Fortunately, relationships are not dead.
There are still those who find more value in a sit down dinner than eating a
burger out of a bag. Relationships teach us self reflection, compromise, self
assessment, among other important life lessons. The value of human interaction
and intimacy should never be watered down to a few lines and a photo on a cell
phone screen as the password to someone’s bed. There is tremendous value in
learning about another individual, feeling vulnerable in the moment and then
recognizing your own faults and weakness. More young men and women in their
twenties and thirties should be out there having dinner not tapping a screen to
show their interest.
Call it what you will, relationship,
marriage, partner – or do not name it at all. The reality is that most people
are seeking relationships but technology and lower self worth have distracted
from the ultimate goal. The construct of what was once a church sanctioned bond
may be becoming scarce, but ultimately people are forever impressing upon
anyone who is willing to notice that they desire human companionship.

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